I eat lunch alone.
See, my work bestie and I used to share a classroom. Which meant we usually had the same lunch period. This school year, we got our own classrooms on different floors, so our lunch periods got split up.
Could I take the opportunity to go to the teacher's lounge and be social? Sure. But I find that I actually need this time to decompress alone. My second period prep is mostly used to, well, prep, so I need some time alone where I'm actively not working or around other people. It's my 30-some minutes for me to spend however I want, and since my work bestie isn't available for all the hot goss, I'd rather eat alone and watch a YouTube video.
I bought a mini-fridge and microwave for my classroom with a gift card I won at the beginning of the school year (I'm a highly competitive "find-the-person-who." bingo player), so I can have pretty much whatever I want without ever having to leave my classroom. I've prepped meatballs, chicken and rice, pita wraps... all sorts of things. But lately, I've been craving tuna salad sandwiches. One problem: I hate tuna salad. So why the hell am I craving tuna salad?
I blame the former Bon Appetit editors turned independent YouTube celebs. Remember when I said I watch YouTube on lunch? Within a month of each other, Carla Lalli Music and Molly Baz both uploaded their tuna melt recipes. And I watched them both on my lunch break. And I hate canned tuna.
By happenstance, I've been following a lot of vegan influencers on Instagram, and many of them show a variety of different ways to make tuna salad using chickpeas. Bingo!
Sometimes when I meal prep, I get sick of the meal by day three. Then I end up not eating it and walking to the corner store instead. Not with this.
I don't know why I'm not getting sick of this faux-tuna salad sandwich. There's nothing particularly spectacular or mind-blowing about it, except maybe the nori to give it a "fishy" flavor. But other than that, it's simple, tastes good, and is relatively easy to eat. I don't have to spend a lot of time making it. I don't have to wait to heat it up. I don't have to unhinge my jaw to get the perfect bite. Maybe it's the salad's simplicity that makes it so not-boring. It's the perfect I-need-shut-my-brain-off-for-a-couple-minutes sandwich.
And even if you do choose to eat this in mixed company, it doesn't smell like canned tuna, so your co-workers won't hate you.
With chickpeas and solitude,
~c.j.
CHICKPEA "TUNA" SALAD
PREP TIME: 10 minutes, hardly
YIELD: 6 servings
INGREDIENTS
1 29-oz can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1 tbsp dijon mustard
1 tbsp gochujang (or any other hot sauce, like Sriracha, Cholula, Texas Pete, adobo sauce, etc. You could also sub in a sprinkle of hot spices, such as cayenne, kashmiri, chipotle, hot paprika, or gochugaru)
1/4 c. kewpie (or any other kind of mayonnaise)
1 large shallot, finely diced
1/2 bunch chives, finely chopped
1 lemon, zested and juiced
2 tsp crushed dried nori (about 1/2 a sheet, I usually pulverize it in a coffee grinder)
salt, to taste
DIRECTIONS
In a large bowl, combine chickpeas, dijon, gochujang, kewpie, shallot, chives, lemon zest and juice, nori, and salt into a bowl. Mix together thoroughly to combine.
Using a fork or a potato masher, smash the salad until most of the chickpeas are broken and the texture resembles flaked tuna. Serve immediately, or allow to chill in the fridge.
Serve to your preference. For me, that means on toasted sourdough with more kewpie, long sliced dill pickles, green leaf lettuce, and the occasional heirloom tomato if I'm eating right away. Other suggestions could be over a greens salad, as a wrap, as a "tuna" melt, or as a component in a rice/grain bowl.